if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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