That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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