How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
