So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just crazy horny about you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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