I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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