the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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