I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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