im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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