I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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