Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
