He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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