so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
