i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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