News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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