why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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