every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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