If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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