there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
