There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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