I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
