Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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