The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
