the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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