careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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