is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
