The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
