I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
