Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
