Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
