I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im holly from the hills drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
