I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
do nipples grow back?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
