My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
