he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
