So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
