thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
