I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
