Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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