life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
