I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
