and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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