we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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