Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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