whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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