As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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