i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
