Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
