I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the day after is always just damage control
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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