I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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