I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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