Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
