i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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