my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
