don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
