totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
