There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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