Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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