Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We are all done wearing pants today
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
