I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
