What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
