So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
