R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
