i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
