I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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