She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
