So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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