The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I FOUND THE LEGS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
