apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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