I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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