my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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