I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
