You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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