hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
