Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
