My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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